I need a good laugh... Do you ?

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking ... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away ... Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ...?"


Here's another one:


A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope ... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So ... what'll it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good mate."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that fucking map!"

This is hillarious

(from a letter to the editor of a newspaper)

"Teachers are paid too much! I'm fed up with teachers and their hefty salaries for only nine months' work. What we need here is a little perspective.

If I had my way, I'd pay teachers babysitting wages. That's right --instead of paying the outrageous taxes that go towards teaching salaries, I'd give them $3.00 an hour.

And I'm only going to pay them for their five hours' classroom time, not planning time. That would be $15.00 a day. Each parent should pay $15.00 a day for these teachers to babysit their children. Even if they have more than one child, it's still cheaper than private daycare.

Now, how many children do they teach a day -- maybe twenty? That's $15.00 x 20 = $300.00 a day. But remember, they only work 180 days a year! I'm not going to pay them for any vacation time: $300 x 180 = $54,000. (Just a minute, my calculator must need batteries.)

What will teachers say about those who have ten years of experience and a master's degree? Well, maybe -- just to be fair -- they could get the minimum wage. We can round that off to about $6.00 an hour, times five hours, times twenty children.

$6.00 x 5 x 20. That's $600 a day times 180 days, or $108,000.

Wait a minute . . . there's something wrong here . . ."